Not You 2
by doktorvampir
Summary: Sequel to Not You Too. Akatsuki has new problems and Hidan is out to solve them.


Not You 2.

I have received reviews about the fanfic, Not You Too, which said that the story was good and hilarious. I have decided to make a sequel to that story. This will also be a one-shot. Enjoy. (P.S. Tobi in this story will still act in his goofy nature, not his new Uchiha Madara one.)

Ever since all of Akatsuki found out about Deidara's talking problem, everyone tried to stay away from him as much as possible. Everyone on the outside thought that no one else would be crazy and that at least some people in Akatsuki would be normal. How wrong they were.

Itachi walked down the hallway towards his room. As he approached his room, he heard that Kisame was speaking to someone. A normal person would give Kisame privacy and walk away, but Itachi was not a normal person anymore. Not since he failed the annual vision test. The bad news resulted in a pissed off Uchiha and a medical center covered in black flames.

As soon as Itachi grabbed the door knob, the speaking stopped immediately. Itachi opened the door and saw Kisame sitting on his bed facing the door. In his hands was his giant sword, Samehada.

"Who were you talking to?" Itachi asked.

"No one." Kisame replied.

"I am partially blind, not partially deaf. I heard you talking. Who was it to?" Itachi asked again.

Just as Kisame was about to speak, a noise got their attention. This noise was from right outside their door. Itachi opened the door and saw Kakuzu walking down the corridor. But unlike a normal person, Kakuzu was walking as if he was being pulled in five different directions.

"Kakuzu. What the fuck are you doing?" Hidan yelled from the other end of the hallway. Itachi turned his head and saw Hidan walking towards Kakuzu with his scythe in his hands.

"Hey Itachi, look and that fuck face. Ever since Deidara spilled the beans, this fucker has been acting weird. No, not weird, weirder." Hidan said.

"…"

"What the fuck is wrong with you? It's me, Hidan. What you can't hear me now? Great, another worthless heretic." Hidan said as he walked away trying to catch up to Kakuzu, who now managed to walk into the kitchen. Itachi reentered his room and saw Kisame was about to leave.

"I am out of here." Kisame said.

"Tell me who you were talking with." Itachi asked yet again.

"It is none of your business." Kisame replied and walked away.

Meanwhile

"KAKUZU, DON'T YOU DARE OPEN THAT FRIDGE!" Hidan yelled. Kakuzu continued to crazy walk his way towards the fridge and was about to open it when someone collided with him. Hidan stopped and saw that Tobi was on top of Kakuzu.

"Holy shit Tobi, you managed to knock him out cold. Good fucking job." Hidan said as he was about to pick up Kakuzu and drag him back towards their room.

"Mr. Hidan. You have to help me." Tobi said as he helped drag Kakuzu. Hidan, upon hearing these words, dropped Kakuzu and started to run away, again.

"Mr. Hidan. You left your partner here." Tobi yelled at Hidan, who now was out of the kitchen.

"There is no way that guy is getting me into this again." Hidan said to himself as he ran away.

Tobi was left with Kakuzu and left him there as he walked away. He continued to walk towards his room as he passed by some paintings on the wall. Tobi did his best not to look at them but one glance was enough to spook him like hell. Tobi dashed towards his room half crying. Tobi ran into his room where Deidara was having his conversations.

"Tobi, what the hell is wrong with you? Wait, don't answer that hmm." Deidara said as he turned back towards his hands. "I will get back to you two later." Deidara said to his two hands.

"Mr. Deidara, you have to help me. Every time I walk past those paintings, the eyes start to move and follow me. It is scaring me to death." Tobi said.

"Maybe that will do us some good hmm. Just don't look at the paintings. Problem solved." Deidara said.

"I can't stop. It is like telling Mr. Hidan to stop speaking or to tell Mr. Kisame to stop being so blue. It is not possible." Tobi said.

Once Tobi said that, he saw that Deidara had his eyes shut and looked like he was trying to contain something.

"Oh God. What is wrong Mr. Deidara?" Tobi said.

".oth..g"

"Mr. Deidara? Did you hear that?" Tobi said.

"It was nothing Tobi." Deidara said.

"But it came from you, but your lips did not move. I think it came from your chest." Tobi said.

"I said it was nothing, now get out." Deidara said as he pushed Tobi out of their room and closed the door.

Tobi looked around and saw the paintings look at him.

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Tobi yelled as he ran away towards where anyone else was.

Meanwhile

Hidan managed to get away from Tobi and was walking around. He then heard a scream and recognized that it was Tobi.

"Oh dear Jashin. Kill me now please." Hidan said as he found a place to hide. He saw Tobi running past him screaming. Hidan waited a while and was about to go away when he heard someone talking. He recognized that it was Kisame, but could not figure out who the other person was. He moved backwards and found a small hole in the wall. Hidan looked through the hole and saw Kisame was talking to his sword. But what Hidan saw next was completely different.

Kisame moved a little and Hidan saw his sword completely bandage less. Everyone only saw the tip of his sword. But Hidan now knew why he kept it hidden like that. Samehada had two eyes and a mouth.

"It is okay Kisame. I am blue. You do not see me complaining about it. Just get used to it." Samehada said.

"I can't take it anymore. Ever since Deidara came out of the closet with his hands, I thought about coming out with you as well. But maybe I shouldn't." Kisame said.

"HOLY SHIT fish stick." Hidan said as he ran away about to tell everyone about Kisame's problem. Kisame wrapped Samehada in cloth and ran after him.

Hidan was screaming loud for everyone to come into the living room. After about five minutes, everyone but Itachi was there. Even Kakuzu woke up and got control of himself.

"Okay. I have been seeing some weird shit lately. And right now, we are going to share everything. You got that you fucking freaks. First up. Kisame. How about you share with us what exactly you sword is." Hidan said with a laugh.

Kisame looked at him and then at everyone else. With hesitation, he took his sword and took off the cloth. Everyone was shocked as to see what he was hiding all this time.

"Kisame, that kind of attitude is not fit for Akatsuki. Never take off the cloth again, understood?" Pein said.

"Yes sir." Kisame said as he began to rewrap Samehada.

"Okay, next up is Kakuzu. What the fuck is wrong with you?" Hidan said as everyone now had their attention on Kakuzu.

"…I don't want to say it." Kakuzu said.

"No. Fuck you. Spill them fucking beans." Hidan said.

"Ugh. Fine. I have been finding it difficult for me to control myself lately." Kakuzu said.

"Look you fucking pervert. Do it in the bathroom and everyone is happy." Hidan said.

"Not that you imbecile. I have five hearts right. Ever since Deidara came out, it is as if my other four hearts want to come clean form all this hiding. Each heart has a mind of its own and I can't control them anymore." Kakuzu said.

"That is so fucking sad. Kill yourself four times and get new hearts." Hidan said.

"I agree. Get to it." Pein said.

"Now, next up is Tobi. What the fuck is your problem?" Hidan said.

"I have two actually." Tobi said.

"No surprise there." Konan said.

"First, Mr. Deidara has another problem with himself. I was in our room and I heard a new voice." Tobi said as everyone looked at Deidara this time.

"AGAIN!" Hidan screamed.

"Damn you Tobi. I told you it was nothing hmm." Deidara said.

"No. I know what I heard and I want to help you." Tobi said.

"Fine you want to know. Here." Deidara said as he ripped his shirt off and there was a giant mouth where his heart was. Everyone was silent. It was so silent that a pin could be heard if one dropped. Suddenly, a pin was dropped. "Sorry. I wanted to see if a pin could make a noise in this kind of silence." Tobi said as he picked up his pin.

"Hey that is my pin Tobi." Pein said.

"Oh sorry Mr. Pein." Tobi said as he gave the pin back to Pein. Pein took the pin and stuck it in his ear where it belonged.

"Okay, back to Deidara. What the fuck is that thing?" Hidan said.

"It is another mouth. It is used for my final act." Deidara said. "Now let's drop this. I have another mouth, big deal hmm."

"Fine. Tobi, what is your next problem?" Pein said.

"The paintings follow me with their eyes." Tobi said.

Again, everyone was silent. Then a giggle was heard. They all turned to Konan who was trying to hold back a laugh.

"That was me. I was manipulating those paintings to have some fun with you Tobi." Konan said.

"Why?" Tobi asked.

"It is too boring and you were the only one who would fall for it." Konan said.

"Now. Are those all the things that are needed to be shared?" Pein asked.

"Actually there is one more. And it involves two people actually." Hidan said.

"Oh. And who are they?" Pein asked.

"Zetsu, I know you have noticed that some of your leaves are missing?" Hidan said. "I know where they are. Follow me." Hidan said as they all followed Hidan back to Kisame's room. Hidan opened the door and there was Itachi with something in your hand.

"There. It wasn't the Sharingan that fucked up Itachi's eyesight; it was the marijuana on Zetsu. He was smoking you for a while now." Hidan said as everyone looked at Itachi.

"What? We all have out problems and this is how I deal with mine." Itachi said as he turned his back on them and continued to smoke.

"You son of a bitch!" Zetsu yelled and was about to jump at Itachi when everyone held him back.

"Calm down Zetsu. It is okay. You re-grow them anyway." Pein said.

After that, everyone was much happier. Except for Zetsu. After that day, Akatsuki worked better as a team. They all lived happily ever after, until Konoha and everyone else began to kill them off. At least they all had a clear conscious that their inner problems were shared.

The End.

So that's the sequel. I hope it was as good as the first one. Please review.


End file.
